On Saturday 21st
March 2015 I took my P5 examination but I didn't pass it.
After a gruelling test, as me and the other nine P5
candidates sat on the floor around examiner Nadav Shosan while the sweat dried
on our sodden T-shirts and we sipped water from partially crushed plastic
bottles, the atmosphere was tense. He briefly broke down exactly what we'd done
wrong as a group and then moved on to individual feedback and scores.
I was last up (there is a yin and a yang to being the last
one in the line up. During the exam, you get to see what everyone else is doing
but you also have to wait a while to know your result). He looked at me and
said flatly. "You need to retest everything. The spirit is there, the
heart is there...but not the technique."
As previous postings on this blog have shown, I had spent
time preparing both physically and mentally for the grading and was determined
to take the news, either good or bad, with dignity and a positive attitude.
Nadav elaborated that I needed to work on self defence and
weapons again. I replied "Do I want to know my score?" and after
totting up the individual marks he said "You got 66%".
The minimum pass is 70%. I smiled and said "I'll be back in October" which
got a pat on the back from my grading partner and a round of applause from the
other P5 candidates.
I felt I had prepared well. I'd spent as much time as I
could in front of the TV watching the P5 DVD and practicing the moves. I'd been
to the revision sessions at my club and had abstained from alcohol for a week
before the testing. I'd gone to bed early with a healthy, carb-heavy meal the
night before and had done yoga and a cardio based regime at the gym for 5 weeks
prior.
The test itself was a mixture of P4 and P5 stuff. My problem
was that I'd not revised any of my P4 material and hadn't really touched it
since October of last year. I knew I was making mistakes when tested on the
moves but hoped the other areas would pull me through.
The sparring was the usual gruel fest. 7 rounds of 2
minutes, slightly different scenarios each time. By round 5 I had spat my gum
shield out at least twice as I was struggling to breathe. After that we had 10
rounds of 4 vs 1, with two turns as the defender and 8 as an attacker holding a
stick, a knife or a strike shield.
Unlike my P4 exam where I had sat waiting for my results
with certain petulance about not coming back if I failed, I was pleased that
this time my genuine mindset was one of acceptance and a desire to return at a
later date and pass. I didn't feel bitter, or sad or angry. I was disappointed
and felt the pangs as I watched the other guys get their certificates and
patches.
But overall...thanks to a mixture of hard work; reading
articles on both how to approach gradings and how to deal with fear;
determination to give it my all and acceptance of whichever result I was to
receive.
This time the work I did, unlike on the previous 4 gradings,
didn't get me the new patch. What it did do however was help me to evolve. To
accept feedback from the examiner at face value. To believe that my score was
fair. To know that I could come back in 6 short months and try again. Above
all....to take the experience as one of learning and improvement of my skills.
Nadav told me privately afterwards that I my P5 stuff was OK
but the P4 stuff had let me down. He also gave me a massive ego boost when he
said I'd got 8 out of 10 for my fighting...even though this is the one area I
thought I was weakest on. Fact he had mentioned twice how much I had my hands
down during the bouts meant that the high score was for how I approached the
fights, not my skills as a fighter.
This was overall a disappointment but I regard it as
something that has helped me to accept and to learn, and for that the
experience was invaluable.
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