How The Flinch Stole Combat
(Alternative ways of
dealing with anxiety or fear)
By Lance Manley- P4
I love Krav Maga. I’ve been a member of Krav Maga Midlands
since March 2012 and I find the system to be exactly what I need to both keep
fit and to increase my confidence.
The technical side of Krav, I think is brilliant. Love the
knife and gun techniques, the different kicks, the tactics and the innovation. I
also get a buzz out of the pressure drills and scenarios such as the Tunnel of
Fun (8+ guys standing either side of a narrow corridor, you try and walk to the
other end) or Zombies or Multiple Attackers or Slow Fighting. The list goes on.
However, something that I always had an issue with is the
combat side of Krav Maga.
At a grading I have no problem with fighting and will get
stuck in. A pleasant memory is during the sparring at the end of my P3 test, an
unknown instructor was stood by the side of the mats cheering me on with “Yes,
hit him. Don’t forget your feet! Good, keep going!”
Turned out to be Jon Bullock, head of KMG UK .
But…something that always proved to be a “Marmite” moment
was coldly padding up and sparring with someone at a class designed solely for
combat. It was like a switch was thrown in my head from Like to Dislike.
There are many tried and tested methods to deal with this
type of thing. I tried most of them.
I’d make myself go. I’d be determined to enjoy myself. I’d
partner the biggest guy in the room. I’d partner a higher grade. I’d meditate. I’d
talk to other students or instructors. I’d try and rationalise and analyse why
this was happening. I’d “man up” and “grow a pair”.
Nothing worked long term.
At most I’d get a couple of sessions before the Dislike
switch was thrown again. This situation was irritating to say the least. I
really WANTED to like it, but something within me wasn’t having any of it. Like
anchovies on pizza or Marmite on toast…it was a black and white situation with
absolutely no grey. Love it or hate it. I
hated it.
Bottom line was that I was getting frustrated and feeling
like a pansy. The sensation was the same as the first time I went cliff jumping.
Standing at the edge, looking down at the water…and for 15 minutes unable to
jump off. Even though I knew there was virtually no danger in it, every
instinct was screaming at me to back away. I finally did it and never looked
back. But with sparring…things didn’t improve no matter what I tried in order
to overcome the issue. My reluctance was like one gigantic flinch.
I eventually realised that the issues were probably
emotional and/ or psychological. When we fought I’d perceive my partner and the
other fighters in the room as malicious and out to hurt me, even though I knew
they weren’t. Before my P4 grading I was genuinely uncertain as to whether or
not I’d pass it.
I was effectively “winging it” and I realised that I’d never
make G level if I couldn’t get my head fixed. It was then that I decided that I
had to overcome this.
A friend of mine recommended hypnotherapy as her son had
taken a few sessions years ago, to deal with unresolved issues from his
childhood. I contacted a woman named Rebecca Bedford who gave me a free initial
meeting to lay the groundwork for what I wanted resolved. When I came back I
was genuinely surprised that you are not actually “hypnotised” like in movies. Instead
the process could best be described as “guided meditation”. I closed my eyes
while relaxing music was playing and Rebecca talked me through some mental
imagery and told me to imagine that I was in a safe location such as a beach
that was my private place of solitude. She then got me to remember certain
events and said to “link it on” to whatever thought came up next, regardless of
how silly, unusual, or out of place that thought might appear.
I had about 5 or 6 sessions in total where we slowly moved
through the knots and creases in my psyche. It turned out that I had deep
rooted fears of humiliation and rejection. I also had felt frustrated as a
child through being forced to pretend everything was OK when it wasn’t and
believing I didn’t have the right to express my opinions. Most crucially, I had
made a decision as a very young boy that I would never be able to compete with “bigger
boys” as they were stronger, faster and better than me. All of this had gone
into the blender of my subconscious and affected my ability to relax and enjoy
training.
After the final session I attended both a sparring session
and contact combat in the same week. For the first time ever I actually enjoyed
myself and thought it was fun. I held off writing this article for a week just
in case there was some kind of emotional relapse and there wasn’t. The answers
to what was holding me back were locked away inside my head, and finally I had
found the key.
There was no epiphanous moment. No sudden revelation or jolt
of clarity. It was simply that I looked on the same situations with a different
set of feelings than I had before.
Hypnotherapy is one method that I’m very glad to have
invested in for help with this. I had decided at the end of April that if I
couldn’t cure my phobia of fighting by the end of the hypno course, then I’d
reduce my membership with KMM to one lesson per week and stop grading.
Now…well, the sky’s the limit.
Rebecca Bedford runs Leamington Hypnotherapy
and can be
contacted on 07863 156 392
or rebecca@rebeccabedford.com.
Illustration by Paul Rose.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDelete